Compassion and presence...

In Ken McLeod’s book An Arrow to the Heart, he says the essence of the Heart Sutra is that “Compassion is presence.” This book was something of a guidebook as I tried to navigate my way through the Master of Divinity program at Naropa University from 2007-2010. Those three words: compassion is presence still resonate through my life more than any other thing I've learned.

You might call it a statement of belief, or a manifesto, or simply truth. That it is true has been proven again and again in my own experience.

The most clear example of this is going to a funeral. No one likes doing it. No one really knows what to say. And none of that matters. What matters to the loved ones is that you show up. Your presence says that you care, and that means more than any words you can come up with. It is compassion in action.

Another example of this is showing compassion to yourself, by  being present to how you feel, who you are, what you need. So often we push ourselves aside with our to-do lists, and we cover up what's going on inside with lots of activity outside. There is no presence, only absence, which means there is no compassion, only harshness or indifference.

My Buddhist teacher used to ask me, "Why are you killing yourself?" I didn't understand that for a long time, though it felt true, even when I didn't know why. At the same time, when I would talk about being angry or irritated with someone, or even happy, she would ask me how that felt in my body. In frustration I finally snapped at her that my body and I hadn't been on speaking terms for years. I was so unable to be present with myself, physically and emotionally, that she saw it as a form of killing or smothering myself. It took me a long time to see that, and even longer to find compassion for myself.

Me with my beloved Pongo

The first time I can remember feeling compassion for myself was after I'd driven my teacher to the airport, and realized that I was terrified something might happen to her. Instead of telling myself what an idiot I was, I acknowledged the fear with a kind of understanding and gentleness I'd never had toward myself before.

Eventually, that allowed me to have genuine compassion for others as well, which manifested in being able to be present to their grief or their joy, without needing to try to fix it or validate it.

It's still a work in progress - or maybe I should say I'm still a work in progress. There's still a lot to learn.

Compassion is presence. Can I embody that in my writing? That question leads to other questions, and in the end, the one question that really matters is: am I willing to try? It requires both courage and openness, and I will admit I've never seen myself as particularly heroic. In one sense, we are all heroes as we move through our day, present to the world around us and within us. Thanks for your compassion and presence.

Take care,

Doc

I'll be away for the holidays, so the next new blog will be Tuesday, January 2nd. Have a great holiday!